Some people call it an unhealthy obsession, I call it a love affair that keeps on giving.
I remember trying it for the first time. There was a thin layer of chocolate-brown spread across two triangles of white bread. It was fifth grade and I was having tea with my bookclub. However, my elementary school extracurricular activities are not as important as my lifelong love.
How do I type the word Nutella without becoming crazed? I am already becoming jittery… I need to restock.
That’s the only problem that Nutella has.
You can (and will) eat it with everything, and soon the jar will be empty and you will find yourself scraping at the sides, fingers feeling the bottom for more. Looking back will feel like trying to remember what you did the other night, flashes of yourself doing shameful things appearing in hindsight.
Have you ever gotten Nutella in your hair?
Have you ever then put your hair in your mouth to lick it out?
I definitely have not.
Whether you are bargaining with your friend for a stick from their Nutella-to-Go pack, stealing it by the spoonful from your roommates drawer or lifting it from the dining hall, we’ve all done some strange things for Nutella.
In April of 2013, thieves ran off with 5.5 metric tons of Nutella (a heist worth $20,710) in Germany.
Columbia University was involved in the controversy, “Nutella-gate”, which exposed the school for spending $6,000 a week on Nutella in its dining halls. Students were eating 100 pounds of it per day.
Nutella has 30,028,635 likes on Facebook.
250,000 tons of Nutella are sold in 75 countries each year.
One jar of Nutella is sold every 2.5 seconds throughout the world. According to the United States Census Bureau, one person is born every 4 seconds. That means that there are more jars of Nutella out there than there are babies. Personally, I’m okay with that.
The moral of the story? Do not trust someone who does not have an obsession with Nutella, because then they aren’t human. And that means they’re zombies or vampires or something.
(Ask someone about their allergies before you write them off, though. Some people are deathly allergic to hazelnuts. It’s not their fault that they can’t experience what we can.)